By Kejhonti Neloms
They all call you nigger behind your back. You were right when you thought you heard your boss at the Dollar Store say it. Your daughter was right when she thought she heard her teacher say it. You were right when you thought you heard your doctor refer to room number 209 as the room with the nigger in it. You’ve always been right.
All of your white friends call you a nigger behind your back. They do it when they hold the door open for you. They do it when they buy you a round of drinks after work. They do it when they come to your son’s graduation. Please, nigger. Thank you, nigger. Goodnight, nigger. It doesn’t matter where your white friends were raised. It doesn’t matter if they hate that word; they still use it all the time.
What do you think happens when a white person hears the word “nigger” at their dinner table? Do you think their brain censors the word? Do you think they think, “Well, some Black people are niggers, but other people are African americans”? Maybe they think, “You shouldn’t say that, Dad.” Maybe they even say it. But what they really mean is, “You shouldn’t say that out loud, Dad.”
I hear the word “nigger” when my ex-roommate tells me she used to volunteer in a housing development in West Virginia. I hear the word “nigger” when she talks about how those nigger children in their nigger poverty with their nigger destinies were nigger-elated at her handing out white health, truth and light.
When white gay queens say, “YASS!” I hear, “You have no culture which I cannot take, nigger. You’re lucky I haven’t already called the police. Actually, I’m calling the Police.” I hear it in the office, at the gym, at school, at the bank, at the pawn shop. Especially at the pawn shop. Especially at the corner store. And them brown folk not even white, but they be throwing the word around as if they one day will be.
I think it is cathartic for all non-Black people to call us niggers. This is the American Dream: to be able to exploit Black people with pure impunity. It sends a rush of dopamine through their bodies knowing they can dig up our graves, shoot our children, steal our art and ransack our communities with zero consequences. It’s how they teach their children to feel good. “Eat your peas, Timmy. You should be lucky that you even have peas to eat (unlike those niggers over there).”
You’ve backed a white into a corner and they call you a nigger. You’ve won the argument, or whatever, but they still feel good as fuck. You laugh or you cry or you’re mad, or you fight or you don’t react at their words. But they said it, just as they’ve always said it, and in the exact way that they’ve always meant it. Because at the end of the day, even if they’re piss poor, they’re going to go on to their white destiny, and you’re going to go to your nigger destiny. It doesn’t matter if you’re currently Black, rich and successful. Still nigga.
This forgotten Black Professor was really giving it to Malcolm X at some debate way back in my Grandma’s time. I mean, Malcolm X was really taking some heat. He ain’t know what to do. But my nigga X won that debate, and his victory was a historic victory for all of us. He asked something like, “What do your white colleagues call a Black man with a doctorate?” and answered himself, “Nigger.” Say what you will about X, but the man knew what he was talking about.
Maybe I’m being unfair to your white friends that really love you and have taken a charge or two for you. I’m sure there’s like 3 or 4 of them in this world. But I’d rather be unfair to your white friends than be bamboozled, hoodwinked and cheated by the idea that there are some white people somewhere who see it for you. I’m not taking that risk, and I implore you not to either.
It’s like Muhammad Ali said:
“There are many white people who mean right and in their heart wanna do right. If 10,000 snakes were coming down that aisle now, and I had a door that I could shut, and in that 10,000, 1,000 meant right, 1,000 rattlesnakes didn’t wanna bite me, I knew they were good… Should I let all those rattlesnakes come down, hoping that that thousand get together and form a shield? Or should I just close the door and stay safe?”
Of course, me and Mr. Ali disagree that there are many white people who mean right and want to do right. I know that white people don’t want to concede their power, because to do so would mean to destroy everything that they have ever loved. Even their act of helping is an act of violence. Through and through, it’s just an act. When white people call themselves helping they’re really just centering themselves because all whiteness in action is racism. Nevertheless, that nigga knew what he was talking about.
Some of y’all were actually surprised that John Schnatter said “nigger” on a conference call. Most of us weren’t. We been knew. Contrary to what John said, racism has a very firm and fixed position in our society. Again, we been knew. Black Folk have already discussed the “white corner of the room.” It’s a phenomenon where white people have complete liberty to be exactly how they were raised: racist, classist, homophobic and monstrous. Eddie Murphy touched on it in the classic SNL skit. White folk be acting a whole donkey when they are in rooms that they think are private. They think they slick, but we ain’t stupid.
John Schnatter grew up in a neighborhood, much like yours, where white people tie/d up our ancestors to trucks and drag/ged them around the neighborhood until they die/d. This is a shared history present wherever white people are. His ancestors are psychopathic murderers. It’s in his blood; it’s in his actions and I hate to say it but it’s in his nasty ass pizza. Your Black death is his future, past and present. It’s his bread and butter. It’s his fortune.
How many possible stories do you think Quentin Tarantino has written with white people calling niggas “niggers” all willy nilly? And I mean the stories that are not finna be turned into movies. Like short stories. Just drafts and shit. Stories and imaginations that he makes up in his free time. I bet he dreams of the word “nigger” like I know all white people do. I mean, I bet Quentin has been writing journal entries and storyboards for decades with whites using that word freely and openly. I bet he uses that word as a punchline at dinner parties. It’s provocative and edgy and Black people can’t stop him from doing it. Even before he was famous.
Like that ugly ass racist kid that was bullied. How many times do you think he’s heard his grandmother refer to that wonderfully nice lady who owns the laundromat across the street as that “wonderfully nice nigger lady who owns that laundromat across the street”? That kid learned that he is a white person, solely because his parents hate us so much. It’s in his blood.
I knew I was being gendered as a boy because I saw other people being made fun of for running like a girl. I knew I was being conditioned as a boy because people said I walked like a girl and they were mad as fuck about it. I couldn’t make sense of it, but I knew I didn’t want to be whatever was making them so pressed. I must have been 4 or so.
There are obvious parallels. White people know that they are white because they are not Black. It’s an existence by negation. Folk like to claim that we are all human, but I know that this can’t be true. If we were all human, I wouldn’t have to constantly be trying to convince these monsters that I, too, am human. Racism isn’t a riddle. It’s a simple tool used to make white people feel better about themselves. Calling me a nigger aids their cognitive dissonance. It reaffirms the great lie, and it gives them ammunition to keep on being monstrous.
Papa John been callin’ folk niggers 400 years before he was born. His daddy did it. His cousin did it. His sons be doing it. He probably said it today. He probably saying it right now. He gon’ keep on doing it, too. He will be doing it for as long as white people are living and breathing on this earth. It is the unnatural order that he has inherited and it is an unnatural order which he will continue to exploit.
I’m from the city that John does business in. His name is all up in the universities and hospitals and stadiums. It is amusing to see the reaction of white people to John giving us an unadulterated peep into their private lives. White folks in power are gasping, gagging and clutching their pearls hoping we don’t recognize the truth: “We all call them niggers behind their back, John, but this is 2018; you have to be more careful.”
Racist white presidents of PWI’s are kicking him off of boards of white trustees. Racist white administrators are taking his name off of the college football stadium. Racist white people are mad as fuck at John, and rightfully so. They’re mad at him because John’s ass gave us more ammunition.
We playing the race card all 2019. A hand full of trump cards all named Nigger. These whites hella guilty, and it is getting worse for them. To be all the way real, I’m elated. I’m glad the shit is hitting the fan. They deserve nothing but fear.
Today, accuse a white person of calling you a nigger. Start that fight. You already felt them calling you it. They called your grandma it just yesterday. They calling you and your son a nigger at the parent teacher conference. Your white friends calling you a nigger right now. You have nothing to lose in this climate, and it’s an HR nightmare. You’ll probably win that lawsuit. Make something up, it doesn’t matter.
We all know the secret, and white people are starting to figure out that we know the secret, too. So do it. Play the race card. Good luck. I love you.
Kevin Rigby Jr. and Hari Ziyad, “White People Have No Place In Black Liberation.” RaceBaitR, 2016
Christina Sharpe, In The Wake: On Blackness and Being, Duke University Press, 2016
Kejhonti Neloms is a queer student/teacher. He has dreams of starting a community center for black queer kids.
